Divorce

In class this past week, we discussed some very interesting things about divorce. The following statistics were presented:
70% of American men are married within the first two years following a divorce
70% of Americans who have divorced, say they regret it two years later
We discussed the interesting connection between these two statistics. My theory is that although they might regret their divorce, men are more likely to move on and begin their second marriage faster than women. This could be attributed to the fact that men often rely primarily on their wife for emotional support and stability, whereas women are more likely to open themselves up to friends and family. So when a divorce happens the men are left without the emotional support that women tend to find from multiple sources. Needing that connection back desperately, they find a new wife.

We also talked about the negative interaction cycle which many couples get caught in. It involves a lack of clear understanding. In this cycle each individual reacts according to what they feel and base their feelings fully on what the other does. This leaves couples stuck in a trap where neither really is able to understand what the other is thinking or feeling. Although this cycle is natural and very common, if I have learned anything from this class it is that we need to always seek the divine solution rather than the natural one.

Communication

In class a few weeks back we discussed the importance of good communication. There are three different types of communication that we need to be aware of if we hope to not only express ourselves effectively to others, but also to understand them. Two of these three fall under the category of verbal communication, they are first, the actual words we use, and second,  the tone we use when we say them. It is important to remember that the combination of word and tone can change completely the message that others receive in conversation.The third form falls under the non-verbal category, it is body language. Non-verbal communication can be tricky and easily misinterpreted. That is why we need to be very careful with the way we conduct ourselves.

During our discussion in class we talked about some things that will aid us in achieving good communication.  For example be clear and concise, be an active listener, validate the other's feelings, use I feel statements, use soft start-ups, and last focus on the topic at hand. It was interesting to me in learning this that most of the tips for good communication actually have to do with focusing on understanding others. This reminded me of a quote I have always loved, " seek first to understand, and then to be understood."

Communication is powerful, and has the potential to lift and build or really hurt people. even simple miscommunications can have a very negative effect. This is why it is so vital that we develop good communication skills by practicing these good habits. If we make an effort we will someday be able to "communicate so clearly that you can not only be understood, but so that you cannot be misunderstood."