Crisis Model

This past week in class we talked about crisis. We pointed out that every family experiences crisis and hard times differently but at the same time, they all have some control over how these situations are handled. We can see how this is true by taking a look at the ABCX model. A represents the actual event, for example a car crash, a death in the family, a family member moving out. B represents the resources the family has to use to deal with those problems, like money, family, or friends. C is the way the family defines the problem at hand, or how positively or negatively they view the problem. All of these things combined together give us X. X is the overall experience. Although the family can't always control what kind of crisis they face, they can control how they choose to view it and feel about it, which can drastically change the overall experience.

My family had personal experience with this a few years ago when my grandpa and grandma passed away within a few months of each other. Even though it was a very difficult time for my family and the crisis was out of our hands, we had a lot of support from members of our ward. We were brought meals almost every night for two weeks to take the stress off my parents shoulders as both of them had just lost one of their parents, and what to make for dinner was not on the top of their minds. Besides this our overall experience was changed by our cognitive view of the problem. We all knew we would see our loved ones again and remembering that truth got us through.

Affair Proof Marriages

This week in class we discussed the many ways you can protect your marriage, and make it a happy one. Some of the ways we can do this is by first being fiercely loyal. Meaning your spouse's concerns and needs should always be put first. Once married, the relationship between you and your spouse becomes your biggest priority. Another thing we discussed was the importance of not only being physically faithful, but also emotionally. It is often emotional attachments that lead to immoral action. Sometimes it may just begin as confiding in a friend of the opposite sex, rather than your spouse. It is a slippery slope from there.

Besides these guidelines there are also a few other very clear guidelines that could be very useful. They include never being alone with a member of the opposite sex, other than your spouse. Having a shared facebook account, and even ending certain friendships if necessary. The idea is to in a way put a boundary around the married couple so that they can become their own new family unit.

I personally have watched some family members fall into the traps that leave so many families broken. Everyone is susceptible to these problems.That is why I feel that this advice is something that is so important to follow. It may seem extreme to some to share a facebook account or get rid of old friends. It may even seem to some that following this advice is a sign that you don't have trust in your relationship, but that is just not true. If you really love someone then you will do everything in your power to remain together, to show them your love, and to put their needs above your own. And these are just some of the great ways you can do that.

Love and Marriage

Now to give an overview of last weeks material, I will discuss the idea of love. Everyone wants it, but no one knows what it really is. Everyone sees it, but no one can define it. Everyone feels it, but no one really understands it. Love is different for everyone, but we all need it. This makes love pretty difficult especially when trying to make a decision about marriage. In class bother Williams suggested that it is unwise to base your decision to get married on love alone.  He suggested that because it is just an emotion it will fade with time.I understood where he was coming from and the point he was trying to make, but I am afraid I don't think he was very clear on something very important. That is that love is vital to marriage! President Utchdorf in a talk addressed to young single adults said that we should by no means marry someone we do not love. Yes of course it is not the only reason we marry someone, but it is a necessity. In this lesson we were also introduced to the relationship attachment model which explains something very interesting that could help people whether they are "falling in love," or just dating.  The model proceeds as follows: you should know someone more than you trust them, trust them more than you rely on them, rely on them more than you commit to them, and finally commit to them more than you touch them. I ink ththis is a great outline for anyone to follow to make sure that your relationships are healthy and positive. Love is tricky but I think this model puts things into perspective and could help many people.

Gender Roles and Same Sex Attraction

So for the last two weeks I have neglected to make any posts. That is why I have decided to give a re-cap now. two weeks ago we discussed gender roles and same sex attraction. I felt the lesson was very enlightening and changed my perspective that I have held for a very long time. We discussed in class the idea that our role as men and women is divine and that men and women are born with natural tendencies that help them to fulfill those roles. It helped me see the importance of raising children who know and understand who they are in God's plan, as a son or daughter. We then brought up the issue of same sex attraction and talked about some of the different reasons one might come to the conclusion that they are indeed attracted to the same sex. It was interesting to hear Brother Williams share examples that he had seen in his practice. He shared with us that many  people who have this problem just accept it because it is what they have been told all their life, or because they at some point, look back on their life and see evidence that to them proves that they were always different.

Speaking of these differences, between men who declare themselves as gay and those who do not, not all of them are negative. In class we pointed out that increased sensitivity, and creativity in a male do not have to be considered negative in any way. These qualities that some people call "gay" when seen in a male are actually traits that make for a wonderful friend, father, and husband. But some people will see those traits  and choose to label people very quickly , thus creating the problem that we are experiencing in our society today.

Our roles as men and women are divine. We have a responsibility to help others see that as well. There are so many in the world who feel trapped in this problem and are lost. But with the knowledge we now have we can make a difference, even it is is just by making righteous judgments. I know that Satan will try anything to strip us of our eternal blessings and that we have to fight for the family, because it is the only way to eternal progression and joy.