In class this past week, we discussed some very interesting things about divorce. The following statistics were presented:
70% of American men are married within the first two years following a divorce
70% of Americans who have divorced, say they regret it two years later
We discussed the interesting connection between these two statistics. My theory is that although they might regret their divorce, men are more likely to move on and begin their second marriage faster than women. This could be attributed to the fact that men often rely primarily on their wife for emotional support and stability, whereas women are more likely to open themselves up to friends and family. So when a divorce happens the men are left without the emotional support that women tend to find from multiple sources. Needing that connection back desperately, they find a new wife.
We also talked about the negative interaction cycle which many couples get caught in. It involves a lack of clear understanding. In this cycle each individual reacts according to what they feel and base their feelings fully on what the other does. This leaves couples stuck in a trap where neither really is able to understand what the other is thinking or feeling. Although this cycle is natural and very common, if I have learned anything from this class it is that we need to always seek the divine solution rather than the natural one.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Communication
In class a few weeks back we discussed the importance of good communication. There are three different types of communication that we need to be aware of if we hope to not only express ourselves effectively to others, but also to understand them. Two of these three fall under the category of verbal communication, they are first, the actual words we use, and second, the tone we use when we say them. It is important to remember that the combination of word and tone can change completely the message that others receive in conversation.The third form falls under the non-verbal category, it is body language. Non-verbal communication can be tricky and easily misinterpreted. That is why we need to be very careful with the way we conduct ourselves.
During our discussion in class we talked about some things that will aid us in achieving good communication. For example be clear and concise, be an active listener, validate the other's feelings, use I feel statements, use soft start-ups, and last focus on the topic at hand. It was interesting to me in learning this that most of the tips for good communication actually have to do with focusing on understanding others. This reminded me of a quote I have always loved, " seek first to understand, and then to be understood."
Communication is powerful, and has the potential to lift and build or really hurt people. even simple miscommunications can have a very negative effect. This is why it is so vital that we develop good communication skills by practicing these good habits. If we make an effort we will someday be able to "communicate so clearly that you can not only be understood, but so that you cannot be misunderstood."
During our discussion in class we talked about some things that will aid us in achieving good communication. For example be clear and concise, be an active listener, validate the other's feelings, use I feel statements, use soft start-ups, and last focus on the topic at hand. It was interesting to me in learning this that most of the tips for good communication actually have to do with focusing on understanding others. This reminded me of a quote I have always loved, " seek first to understand, and then to be understood."
Communication is powerful, and has the potential to lift and build or really hurt people. even simple miscommunications can have a very negative effect. This is why it is so vital that we develop good communication skills by practicing these good habits. If we make an effort we will someday be able to "communicate so clearly that you can not only be understood, but so that you cannot be misunderstood."
Monday, June 24, 2013
Crisis Model
This past week in class we talked about crisis. We pointed out that every family experiences crisis and hard times differently but at the same time, they all have some control over how these situations are handled. We can see how this is true by taking a look at the ABCX model. A represents the actual event, for example a car crash, a death in the family, a family member moving out. B represents the resources the family has to use to deal with those problems, like money, family, or friends. C is the way the family defines the problem at hand, or how positively or negatively they view the problem. All of these things combined together give us X. X is the overall experience. Although the family can't always control what kind of crisis they face, they can control how they choose to view it and feel about it, which can drastically change the overall experience.
My family had personal experience with this a few years ago when my grandpa and grandma passed away within a few months of each other. Even though it was a very difficult time for my family and the crisis was out of our hands, we had a lot of support from members of our ward. We were brought meals almost every night for two weeks to take the stress off my parents shoulders as both of them had just lost one of their parents, and what to make for dinner was not on the top of their minds. Besides this our overall experience was changed by our cognitive view of the problem. We all knew we would see our loved ones again and remembering that truth got us through.
My family had personal experience with this a few years ago when my grandpa and grandma passed away within a few months of each other. Even though it was a very difficult time for my family and the crisis was out of our hands, we had a lot of support from members of our ward. We were brought meals almost every night for two weeks to take the stress off my parents shoulders as both of them had just lost one of their parents, and what to make for dinner was not on the top of their minds. Besides this our overall experience was changed by our cognitive view of the problem. We all knew we would see our loved ones again and remembering that truth got us through.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Affair Proof Marriages
This week in class we discussed the many ways you can protect your marriage, and make it a happy one. Some of the ways we can do this is by first being fiercely loyal. Meaning your spouse's concerns and needs should always be put first. Once married, the relationship between you and your spouse becomes your biggest priority. Another thing we discussed was the importance of not only being physically faithful, but also emotionally. It is often emotional attachments that lead to immoral action. Sometimes it may just begin as confiding in a friend of the opposite sex, rather than your spouse. It is a slippery slope from there.
Besides these guidelines there are also a few other very clear guidelines that could be very useful. They include never being alone with a member of the opposite sex, other than your spouse. Having a shared facebook account, and even ending certain friendships if necessary. The idea is to in a way put a boundary around the married couple so that they can become their own new family unit.
I personally have watched some family members fall into the traps that leave so many families broken. Everyone is susceptible to these problems.That is why I feel that this advice is something that is so important to follow. It may seem extreme to some to share a facebook account or get rid of old friends. It may even seem to some that following this advice is a sign that you don't have trust in your relationship, but that is just not true. If you really love someone then you will do everything in your power to remain together, to show them your love, and to put their needs above your own. And these are just some of the great ways you can do that.
Besides these guidelines there are also a few other very clear guidelines that could be very useful. They include never being alone with a member of the opposite sex, other than your spouse. Having a shared facebook account, and even ending certain friendships if necessary. The idea is to in a way put a boundary around the married couple so that they can become their own new family unit.
I personally have watched some family members fall into the traps that leave so many families broken. Everyone is susceptible to these problems.That is why I feel that this advice is something that is so important to follow. It may seem extreme to some to share a facebook account or get rid of old friends. It may even seem to some that following this advice is a sign that you don't have trust in your relationship, but that is just not true. If you really love someone then you will do everything in your power to remain together, to show them your love, and to put their needs above your own. And these are just some of the great ways you can do that.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Love and Marriage
Now to give an overview of last weeks material, I will discuss the idea of love. Everyone wants it, but no one knows what it really is. Everyone sees it, but no one can define it. Everyone feels it, but no one really understands it. Love is different for everyone, but we all need it. This makes love pretty difficult especially when trying to make a decision about marriage. In class bother Williams suggested that it is unwise to base your decision to get married on love alone. He suggested that because it is just an emotion it will fade with time.I understood where he was coming from and the point he was trying to make, but I am afraid I don't think he was very clear on something very important. That is that love is vital to marriage! President Utchdorf in a talk addressed to young single adults said that we should by no means marry someone we do not love. Yes of course it is not the only reason we marry someone, but it is a necessity. In this lesson we were also introduced to the relationship attachment model which explains something very interesting that could help people whether they are "falling in love," or just dating. The model proceeds as follows: you should know someone more than you trust them, trust them more than you rely on them, rely on them more than you commit to them, and finally commit to them more than you touch them. I ink ththis is a great outline for anyone to follow to make sure that your relationships are healthy and positive. Love is tricky but I think this model puts things into perspective and could help many people.
Gender Roles and Same Sex Attraction
So for the last two weeks I have neglected to make any posts. That is why I have decided to give a re-cap now. two weeks ago we discussed gender roles and same sex attraction. I felt the lesson was very enlightening and changed my perspective that I have held for a very long time. We discussed in class the idea that our role as men and women is divine and that men and women are born with natural tendencies that help them to fulfill those roles. It helped me see the importance of raising children who know and understand who they are in God's plan, as a son or daughter. We then brought up the issue of same sex attraction and talked about some of the different reasons one might come to the conclusion that they are indeed attracted to the same sex. It was interesting to hear Brother Williams share examples that he had seen in his practice. He shared with us that many people who have this problem just accept it because it is what they have been told all their life, or because they at some point, look back on their life and see evidence that to them proves that they were always different.
Speaking of these differences, between men who declare themselves as gay and those who do not, not all of them are negative. In class we pointed out that increased sensitivity, and creativity in a male do not have to be considered negative in any way. These qualities that some people call "gay" when seen in a male are actually traits that make for a wonderful friend, father, and husband. But some people will see those traits and choose to label people very quickly , thus creating the problem that we are experiencing in our society today.
Our roles as men and women are divine. We have a responsibility to help others see that as well. There are so many in the world who feel trapped in this problem and are lost. But with the knowledge we now have we can make a difference, even it is is just by making righteous judgments. I know that Satan will try anything to strip us of our eternal blessings and that we have to fight for the family, because it is the only way to eternal progression and joy.
Speaking of these differences, between men who declare themselves as gay and those who do not, not all of them are negative. In class we pointed out that increased sensitivity, and creativity in a male do not have to be considered negative in any way. These qualities that some people call "gay" when seen in a male are actually traits that make for a wonderful friend, father, and husband. But some people will see those traits and choose to label people very quickly , thus creating the problem that we are experiencing in our society today.
Our roles as men and women are divine. We have a responsibility to help others see that as well. There are so many in the world who feel trapped in this problem and are lost. But with the knowledge we now have we can make a difference, even it is is just by making righteous judgments. I know that Satan will try anything to strip us of our eternal blessings and that we have to fight for the family, because it is the only way to eternal progression and joy.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Family Theories
In class this week we discussed some interesting theories constructed about the family. The four main theories covered included the conflict theory, the symbolic theory, the exchange theory, and the family systems theory. Through reading and discussing these various theories I feel that I am most drawn to two of them, the symbolic interaction theory and the family systems theory. I think I associated with the symbolic interaction theory most because I realized how often I rely on symbolic interaction to communicate with others and to understand others. I realized that, as hard as it may be to accept, not everyone interprets, or uses the same symbolic interactions that I do. I think that now that I have discovered this I will be able to improve my existing relationships with my close friends and family, but also keep an open perspective when meeting new people.
I also found the family systems theory to be very interesting and helpful because it helped to explain some interactions that exist between the members of my family. One of the main points of this theory is that " the family as a whole is greater than the sum of parts." I can definitely see this being true in my family, as when one person is separated even for a short time from our home, there is a different feeling to the entire atmosphere, it feels incomplete. I have discovered since leaving home, how drastically things can change when one family member is absent. After returning home to visit in between semesters I found that the dynamic of my family had changed slightly. My younger siblings who I had cared for my whole life, had become more self sufficient and had stepped up to make up for my absence. Not to say that I had been keeping things running all on my own before I left, but I held a lot of responsibility being the oldest. I find it very interesting to see this family systems theory at work, and hope that I will be able to continue to learn about it in more depth.
I also found the family systems theory to be very interesting and helpful because it helped to explain some interactions that exist between the members of my family. One of the main points of this theory is that " the family as a whole is greater than the sum of parts." I can definitely see this being true in my family, as when one person is separated even for a short time from our home, there is a different feeling to the entire atmosphere, it feels incomplete. I have discovered since leaving home, how drastically things can change when one family member is absent. After returning home to visit in between semesters I found that the dynamic of my family had changed slightly. My younger siblings who I had cared for my whole life, had become more self sufficient and had stepped up to make up for my absence. Not to say that I had been keeping things running all on my own before I left, but I held a lot of responsibility being the oldest. I find it very interesting to see this family systems theory at work, and hope that I will be able to continue to learn about it in more depth.
A Changing World
I neglected to post last week so this post will be covering information from last week. In class we discussed societal trends. The specific trends we focused on included, the drop in birth rate, the increase in delaying marriage, the increase in births to unmarried women, the increase in cohabitation, the increase in employed mothers, the increase in people living alone, the increase in divorce, the decrease in household size, and finally, the increase in premarital sex. After studying these trends, my eyes were opened to how hard the adversary is working to destroy families. He is attacking from all angles. Once I discovered this I realized how important it was for me as a member of the church to make sure that I am prepared to raise a family the way the Lord has commanded. In an ever changing world, his gospel remains constant, and so should we. Some might be fearful or hesitant to start a family in this world that is growing increasingly dark, because they feel that failure in the family is just an inevitable part of living in these times. But I would strongly disagree, I would say that we as a people have only failed when we give up hope in a better world, when we give up faith in God. We must remember that when we have God on our side we can overcome the world.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Classmates Blog list
Family
160-05
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Names
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Blog
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Adame,
Shawn
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shawnadame.blogspot.com
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Woodbury,
Bryea
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Ayles,
Nikole
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Baccile,
Chris
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http://chrisandheatherbaccile.weebly.com/families-are-forever.html
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Bennett,
Rachael
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Black,
Marisa
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Campbell,
Braden
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http://bradencampbell.blogspot.com/
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Carpenter, Camette
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LINK NOT WORKING
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Chismar,
Erin
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Coffin,
Justin
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http://justinputshisfamilyfirst.blogspot.com/
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Davis,
Erin
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http://erinjdavis.blogspot.com/
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Doty,
Makenna
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xoxokenna.blogspot.com
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Erickson,
Alysha
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http://whatalybelieves.blogspot.com/
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Hansen,
Ashley
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Hanson,
Katie
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http://hansonkm.blogspot.com/
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Jackson,
Lindsey
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http://lindseyloo93.blogspot.com/
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Jacobs, Marty
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LINK NOT WORKING
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Jankiewicz, Bailey
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EMAIL ADDRESS
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Johnston,
Becca
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Judd, Stephanie
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No Post
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Keel,
Catharine
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http://catharinekeel.blogspot.com/
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Kelley, Jessica
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EMAIL ADDRESS
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King,
Emily
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https://emikking.wordpress.com/
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Krout,
Kristin
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http://kristinkrout.blogspot.com/
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Allen,
Derek
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http://successfulfamilysguide.blogspot.com/
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Madsen,
Lauren
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http://laurenmadsen35.blogspot.com/
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Manwaring,
Vanessa
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manwaringpajamas.blogspot.com
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Marsh,
Kathy
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sokalmarsh.blogspot.com
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Merrill, Candice
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No Post
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Moore,
Karly
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karkarmoo19.blogspot.com
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Morris,
Mckenna
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http://morrismckenna.blogspot.com/
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Moser,
Logan
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http://logansfamilyeternity.blogspot.com/
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Parks,
Michael
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http://familyeverlasting.blogspot.com/
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Perez,
Amy
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Pierce,
Brittany
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http://myfamiliycanbetogetherforever.blogspot.com/
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Powers,
Sarah
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http://spowers6.blogspot.com/
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Roncallo,
Alyssa
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Sherrill,
Mary
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http://mybeaglethelovelylilly.blogspot.com
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Simmons,
Kathryn Joy
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Skillings,
Shayla
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theskillsgirl.blogspot.com
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Skinner,
Mckenzie
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mckenzieskinner.blogspot.com
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Snell,
Talia
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Steinmetz,
Rebekah
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www.beckajosblog.blogspot.com
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Tavernier,
Tashara
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Tekare, Meileah
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No Post
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Thompson,
Maddi
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Tucker,
Addison
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http://agirlandaseagull.blogspot.com/
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Vasquez,
Jessica
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http://arollarcoasterofemotions.blogspot.com/
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Lassen,
Rebecca
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beccalassen.blogspot.com
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Beck,
Stephanie
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Marsh,
Cassidy
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http://cassidyannmarsh.wordpress.com/about/
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Saturday, April 27, 2013
Introduction
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